Alphabets and Words Dance Inside my Head

beberapa hari ini hidup saya terasa begitu hambar
college, work, and personal life
semuanya terasa begitu monoton dan berkutat dengan rutinitas yang sama dari hari ke hari

tanpa terasa kuliah saya telah menginjak semester ke-4,
i can't believe that it's almost 2yrs
dan kini saya sedang proses penyusunan skripsi.
progress yang saya capai tidak lebih dari 1%
1% untuk pembuatan judul

it's really hard to create something when u actually don't like it or it's not something that you want

ya hingga saat ini terkadang masih sulit bagi saya untuk menerima kenyataan bahwa saya mengambil kuliah manajemen, it's... it feels like taking a bitter medicine

i had to choose it, it was the shortest path to take and least difficult.
though i know i will not enjoy it

celakanya semangat saya utk menyelesaikan kuliah semakin meredup

dalam hal pekerjaan, rutinitas yg saya hadapi begitu luar biasa menjemukan, karir saya terasa berhenti pada suatu titik dan sudah tidak bergerak naik lagi

begitu pula dlm kehidupan pribadi, it's been over a year since my last relationship and i still haven't found anyone.
saya sudah bisa melupakan dia, tapi utk memulai sebuah hubungan yang baru terasa begitu berat

kemudian saya berdiskusi dengan sahabat saya, yg awalnya adalah "obrolan2 kentut" yg berakhir dengan saya malah curhat

namun saya mendapatkan nasehat2 yang luar biasa dari sahabat saya itu, saya sempat kaget juga ternyata dia cukup bijaksana *pisss brader :D*

beberapa patah kata yang menurut saya nasehat yg luar biasa itu adalah...
brother...that's part of growing old, taking responsibility of matter we don't like

ya, menjadi dewasa itu adalah bertanggung jawab atas hal-hal yang tidak kita sukai

dalam hidup kita akan membuat pilihan, terkadang pilihan itu tidak sesuai dengan yg kita harapkan, namun pilihan yg sudah dibuat harus tetap dipertanggung jawabkan... itulah namanya kedewasaan

adalah hal yang wajar apabila lelah menghadapi semua masalah yang ada, but that's not a reason to quit or run away.
you have to deal with it, finish it. like you always do

satu hal juga yang saya sadari...
kuliah, pekerjaan,dan personal life... ketiga hal tersebut saling berkaitan, oleh karena itu saya harus bisa menyelesaikannya satu persatu

jadi.... dimulai dengan bismillah, semoga skripsi saya dapat selesai tepat pada waktunya

When i'm not around
And no more I can be found
Please remember me and embrace my memories,

Of how I used to hold your hand, whisper to your ears,
Do foolishness just so you would stop your tears,
and say goodnight everytime before sun disappear

Sometimes goodbye is the only answer and it's all that I can give
Goodnight, sleeptight, don't miss me
i'll be seing you in your dreams

-AHK-

I spent the rest of my life wondering
Why you did what you did to me

You told me to wait for you
You said that you'll be there

I waited for you right where you told me to
I waited from morning till dawn but you never showed up

I wait and I waited for you under that tree
from day when sky was so bright until finally the stars were the only one that was shining on me
but still I waited for you that night

And then it started to rain
as much as it was raining in my heart

I stood that night under the tree untill the sun finally rise
and no more tears to fall from my eyes

-AHK-

My arrogance and ignorance is the only weapon I have against you
And I will continue using it
Until I can found the way to stop loving you

Until this present I still do
I still do
As much as I used to
And I despise myself for it

-AHK-

treasure the moment you said
yeah
go ahead and treasure the moment
while each drop of my blood is being shed

did you have a good time?
i sure did,
because you sure was doing your best
you see this smile?
yeah i'm smiling,
while you were stabbing a blade down my chest

who said life was fair?
you took everything for granted
and now i'm living in despair

you ripped all the love out of me
and now i'm living in misery

-AHK-

we were so free
we were just being you and me

like two little kids that play around under the rain
you and i both...

with no burden
with no thought
that when the rain stop
it will all comes to and end

go back to where you belong
our time is up

i shall grasp the memories with me
all that's left
all that i have in my solitude

just go and don't turn back
i'm gonna be ok
becoz i know how it would end from the very first day

-AHK-

Pray for him
Sure you can
Will it do any good?
Might be not

Right now, he probably hates you down to his core
But he'll be sober one day
And pursuit life
Just like before

He'll be much more stronger
In his solitude he can contemplate
See life in a slightly different perspective
And became a man that he should've been

No worries my dear
You're just a lesson that he had to learn

Will he ever forgive you?
Surely he will
The only thing he need right now is time
Time to heal

-AHK-

i finally see your grin
you're nothing for me but a sin

just go away and fly
don't even bother to say goodbye

i can't believe that i've been fooled by your eyes
all those sweetness were just lies

i still hope that you're happy though
i'm not strong enough to hate you nor to be your foe

i've played a game
got carried away
and now i'm lost

that game is called love

-AHK-

i cut myself open and watch it bleed

each beat of my heart made it shed even more
continuously painful it was until no pain i can sore

i was caught up in the moment of both joy and agony
it had me tranquilized so strong like a soothing melody

as i thought i was holding at peace
instead i drag myself falling into an abyss

dead but not departed, alive but not living
now i'm left with this dreadful wounds
try to close my eyes as i'm slowly dying

-AHK-

if this was a fairytale than he would've take you with him so that both of you can fly to the sky

if this was a play than he would've come to you that day and take you away

if this was a novel than everyone would've been smiling in the end

if this was a dream than you're the most beautiful nightmare he had ever spent

but this is life

and all he had left for you is his prayers and wishes
may happines be with you always

-AHK-

now that you finally found the one...

keep this in mind and may it never fallen into oblivion

gazed on her like she's the last thing that you will ever see

caress her as if her skin were made of cotton candy

fight for her with every brawn in you because you know she's worth it

stay beside her through her worst, just like an oak tree that firmly stand on the ground even in the worst drought

do it right, play it right, keep her tight, and never gave up on her no matter what

-AHK-


* this note is dedicated to my friend *

When i'm walking all by myself
Sometimes I stray upon the false path
it's dark and I can't see a thing bcoz seldomly there's not even a single light

I tried to ask direction to people that I meet but all of them just point to different directions

I then bought a compass but it just spins around like mad

Finally I bought a smart gps, with an automatic navigation and neat sounds...
But all it did was beep beep and beep
And i'm the one that's being mad this time so I just throw that stupid thing away

And then I realized
I was asking directions to the wrong place
I should've come to God

-AHK-

Look up at the sky tonight
Just look at both of them

Don't they look so pretty
Together they can blend in harmony

The star and the moon

They shine for each other
So peaceful as if they were longing to be together

But they will never be

The only thing that brought them is the night
The darkness were built so they can glare their light
It was the only thing that keep them unite

That is how God has made it written for both of them
So they can stay as a couple by the distance beyond

Built in pair but never meant to be as one

Maybe that's how its been written for you and i

-AHK-

no longer i can walk beside you and be your guardian
because every step that i took with you made me more vulnerable every single day
you've reach deep inside within me
deep inside more than anyone ever did

the fear of loosing you made me had to leave
for i have tried to be the best that i could
but right now there's nothing that i can give

may God shall send you it's best guardian
that could always make you smile and wipe your sorrow
that would happily listen to every little complaints that you make each day

right now there is so many things for me
that i have to deal
that i have to face
that i have to learn

if one day we meet again
i hope that you've found your happiness and so do i

goodbye.

-AHK-

i know this moment will come
this is why i always try to be not too close to you
but i can't

your awkward,clumsy,annoying attitude
i have become used to
your kindness, you cheerful, your smile, your eyes
has made me lost within you

i will try to stay away from you
i will try to forget about you
i could only try

for i have no control over my heart
it has a mind of it's own
it wants what it wants

what it wants is you

-AHK-

There’s a hollow inside my head
Something that I just can’t get over at

trying to find a place in this transitory life
Even though it’s all blurry for my eyes

May the light be upon me and guide my path
I shall not forsake all that I had carried on my back

Even though i may decay
And I might Morph into a slay

For I shall struggle and obviate everything that inhibit my lanes
Up until now I’m still finding a place to rest my soul

-AHK-

i am a bleeding angel
i wonder will this pain ever end
i hear sorrow from every heart near me
i see sadness from everyone around me
i want to heal their pain and enlighten their sore

i am a bleeding angel
i pretend to be fearless and forceful
i stand firmly against billow as the reef at the seal front
i feel every pain that they feel
i touch their skin and their sickness becomes real
i worry if i will forsake and loose them for good
i cry when they are hurt for i fear if everything that i have done will not do as it should

i am a bleeding angel
i need someone to heal these wounds
i don't know if i would be able to hold on any longer
i fear if one day i will alter in to a demon just so the pain would numb

i am a bleeding angel
i realize that this is all made to forged me to far the better
i know that the Lord shall guide every stride that i take

i am a bleeding angel

-AHK-