Alphabets and Words Dance Inside my Head

i always define my life as difficult

being on my situation is not easy and can be mind consuming, a lot

being the breadwinner and sometimes making decisions for the family is not an easy task, especially when they don't get along with me
having such responsibility in young age can lead to... a lot of things, good and bad

the bad is, i become hard tempered, arrogant, talk rude, not a really nice person
and i justify this by saying "i have more responsibilities than any of you"

i was being an ass.

and then,

this afternoon i approve a friend request on facebook.

saya liat2 profilnya
wah dia punya blog... kemudian saya baca

dan... waw... i'm amazed

responsibility, family problems, self actuating, romance...
dia udah ngalamin semuanya, bahkan ada beberapa yang lebih berat dari yg pernah saya hadapi
tapi tidak sekalipun dia mengeluh di blognya

bukan cuma itu aja, dia jg sudah menjalani a spiritual journey yg lebih hebat dari saya, menurut saya a desicion to identify yourself according to your faith is an outstanding spiritual journey

yang lebih hebatnya lagi... it's a she

yap, seorang perempuan yang usianya jauh lebih muda daripada saya namun sudah menjalani banyak hal dalam hidupnya

but still she's trying to be a better person, a nicer person
for herself, for her family and for everyone

satu hal yang saya pahami...
you don't have to be a rude person just to be strong

sebuah karang memang kuat, sangat kuat utk menantang hempasan ombak yang luar biasa keras...
namun... karang begitu kelam, dingin, dan bila kau menginjaknya, kakimu bisa terluka

jadilah sebuah berlian, yang begitu kuat, saking kuatnya hingga tidak ada satu benda pun yg bisa menghancurkannya kecuali dirinya sendiri

sebuah berlian, kuat, namun tetap indah, dan setiap pancaran cahaya yang melewatinya justru akan bertambah terang

anyway, a quote that i took from her blog...

HIDUP adalah perjuangan, HIDUP adalah pilihan, HIDUP adalah keihklasan, HIDUP adalah kesabaran, HIDUP adalah kutukan sekaligus mutiara, HIDUP adalah ketegaran, LIFE Is Process..And Process Is Wonderfull..

:)

ow crescent moon why can't i see your light

the stars were still shining on you

he's still shining bright



were you gone for good?

or just covered in cloud?

ow crescent moon why can't i see you tonight

i'm talking about the movie... starred by mel gibson and helen hunt
ceritanya tentang laki2 yg bisa baca pikiran wanita, what to do and don't, what she wants and how she wants it..
you know that kind of stuff...
so like any other normal guy, when you have capabilities like that... you take advantage of it... i mean it's not like it's a crime
besides the woman enjoys it...

so, i've been on a similar situation
yeah... it's.. well literary i can read her mind, but not in a way that i can read everything... no, i can only read pieces, but combined with what she implicitly showed me... practically i can read everything.. it's just a matter of do i wanna give it to her... and yes... i may take advantage of the situation, she has a boyfriend

it's just... being able to know exactly what she wants and being able to give it to her... i enjoy it, just to be able to see a glimpse of happiness from her face... mostly men are stupid... you know, at least that's how i've seen it... and it was started just doing it to pleased her... and eventually i'm attach to her... i know my stakes, i wasn't gonna broke what she and her boyfriend had... i was bound to be hurt...

and i... the feeling... of loving and being loved, though i'm still not sure if she feel the same way as i do though i can read it... because i was badly broken afterward...

what i'm trying to say is... reading woman minds, sometimes it's just better not to

*just like the title this only works on women, and it's not like i can read any of their mind randomly, she had to let me in 1st
*but then none of this writings make any sense at all (^__^)
*and i miss the way it feel to pampers

the breeze of the air when i'm finally there
the beauty in my sight, the hills were green and the skies were bluish white
tress were waving, leaves were flying
i can feel the fiddle of the air on my skin
and the meander road add all the excitement to complete

for a split of a second i was down for amnesia
there were no number
no digits
no rumpled thoughs in my head

it was so restful

-AHK-

* a simple two days weekend turns out to be more than i expected

To say that you do
To say that you miss
I said that you were my bliss

Was your heart ever mine
Or was it just a fake

Was i'm being played by my own foolishness
Or was i'm being blinded for my own sake

There was me
And there was you

There were laughters
There were smiles
There were few

And then everything turns blue

There were changes
Made by you

What I am
Today

-AHK-